The Making of a Mommy: It's Official

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

It's Official

The biopsy came back positive for cancer. I guess they'll have to do the usual final pathology to see if it's the same cancer Mike has had before, but we don't even need the confirmation. We know it's true.
I think I'm numb right now. Part of me is just relieved to finally have the news, the other part of me is terrified. This is one BFP we never ever wanted.
I don't know where we go from here. I know Mike's airhead of an oncologist will meet with the team and they'll probably suggest another bone-marrow transplant. I'm having none of that. I will not let him be their guinea pig. I will not let them put him through hell -- again -- because it might work. Screw that.
There is a better way and we will find it. We're tired of this roller-coaster ride and we want to get off.

15 comments:

Miss Tori said...: I'm so sorry that Mike's cancer has returned. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.; July 30, 2008 at 6:49 PM
Melanie said...: I'm really sorry that Mike's cancer has returned. You both will be in my prayers!!!!! I don't know where you guys have gone for treatment.. but I can tell you MD Anderson is fantastic! You guys are in my prayers!!; July 30, 2008 at 7:05 PM
A and J said...: Lauren...I will be thinking of you both. Sending ((hugs))I am so very sorry that you are going through this.

Andrea; July 30, 2008 at 7:14 PM
Anonymous said...: Lauren I am so so so very sorry about Mike. I just don't get it, I wish I knew why such horrible things happen to such great people. Just know that you 2 have been and will continue to be in my prayers.; July 30, 2008 at 7:46 PM
Anonymous said...: Lauren, I am so, so sorry. This is just totally unfair. You guys will be in my prayers big time.; July 30, 2008 at 8:26 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm so sorry you're both going through this... I'll be praying for you both...

Michelle
IVF; July 30, 2008 at 8:52 PM
Nikki said...: Lauren - I am so so sorry that Mike's cancer has returned. There is nothing that I can say that will make things better, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck!; July 30, 2008 at 9:06 PM
heavenlytini said...: i'm so sorry it has returned, i'll be praying for you both, i'm so sorry!!!; July 31, 2008 at 1:02 AM
Anonymous said...: Oh Lauren I am so so sorry to hear Mikes cancer has returned. I'll never understand why things like this have to happen to such good people. I have been wondering how you two were doing. Please know you and Mike will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. Many BIG ((((HUGS))) for you two.; July 31, 2008 at 1:08 AM
The Vincents said...: I am really sorry about this sad news that you and Mike are dealing with again. I hope that you find someway to make it through this. It simply does not make sense to me. You are in my prayers.; July 31, 2008 at 10:23 AM
Anonymous said...: Lauren--Words aren't enough to say how I feel about this news. I know exactly what you mean about not making him a "guinea pig." My heart/prayers/tears pour out for you...its not fair. Did I mention that I REALLY hate cancer?! All my best!!; July 31, 2008 at 1:05 PM
Anonymous said...: Lauren,
My heart is breaking for you and your DH. I will say a prayer for you right now that things will work out and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's truly not fair. You have my email if you ever want to talk or reach out to someone, even if its just to vent, ((HUGS))
Heather (from Web MD); July 31, 2008 at 1:29 PM
Anonymous said...: Lauren
I am very sorry to hear about Mike's relapse.He is a wonderful person. I often wonder why things don't work out in life the way they should. You both deserve nothing but happiness. I hope love and family get you through this hard time. You both are in my thoughts and prayers.; July 31, 2008 at 7:52 PM
Lisa said...: I'm so sorry Lauren. I will be thinking of you both.; July 31, 2008 at 9:50 PM
Courtney said...: I'm so sorry Lauren. I will be praying for you both.; August 2, 2008 at 12:39 PM

Where We've Been....

July 2001 -- Mike and I start dating (a long-distance relationship with 4.5 hours between us -- lots of weekend driving).
February 2003 -- Mike is diagnosed with lymphoma. He banks his sperm twice before beginning chemo, radiation, and having a bone-marrow transplant (he has 13 vials). He spends over a year recovering and rebuilding his strength and immune system.
December 2003 -- Mike proposes and we get engaged!
November 2004 -- We get married, and shortly thereafter I move the 4.5 hours to be with him -- no more long-distance romance!
September 2006 -- Mike is diagnosed with a recurrence of his cancer and begins several months of radiation treatment. Three weeks after getting the cancer news, we are blessed with a phone call from a relative saying we can begin our search for an IVF clinic -- the attempt will be taken care of, free of charge.
December 2006 -- we have our first consultation with our RE, and she recommends IVF over IUI, due to our limited sperm supply.
April/May 2007 -- We plunge into our first IVF attempt, but it does not work. We are left with five frozen embies, in addition to 12 vials of sperm.
June 2007 -- I am just weeks away from starting estrace to prepare for a frozen embryo transfer when we find out Mike has another recurrence of cancer.
July 2007 -- Mike begins chemo, which continues until September.
November 2007 -- Mike returns to work!
March 2008 -- We're ready to try the FET! I begin estrace and monitoring.
April 2008 -- We transfer two embies, but again it does not work.
Summer 2008 - Fall 2011 -- We took a break until we could get health insurance that covers IVF, but more importantly until Mike tried to beat yet more cancer recurrences.
October 14, 2011 -- My world is shattered when Mike succumbs to cancer.
Present -- Trying to learn how to live without my best friend and lover. Trying to figure out what kind of future I can possibly have. Trying to decide if I will/can ever fulfill my dream of having a child.