On Sunday, I got to be part of something that has eluded me
my entire adult life. At age 42, I
finally got to be part of a Mother’s Day celebration. This year, the day wasn’t just about honoring
my mom and nana, although I was and always am grateful to have the opportunity
to do so. This year was different. This year, I was the center of the universe to
the one who now knows me as “Mommy.”
To rewind to nearly a year ago, Mark and I decided to expand
our family. We did our research, worked on the logistics, and finally connected
with the people who eventually found us the little one who would bring life and
love into our home. Following all the
formalities that one goes through when they are about to adopt, we met
Charlie in person. He had just turned
two years old and was quite a pip. Charlie hadn’t
had the best life thus far, which is why he had been in a foster home while
awaiting adoption. When we first met
Charlie, he wasn’t our biggest fan. We
could tell Charlie distrusted us, and we really couldn’t blame him. The limited information we had about Charlie’s
early life included an alcoholic dad, a divorce and probably verbal – if not
physical – abuse. It wasn’t until folks
outside the family got involved that Charlie was moved to foster care to await
a permanent home. Although his foster
mom was very nice and loving, Charlie’s emotional scars were pretty deep. We knew we were each taking a chance on each
other.
Once the adoption was finalized on July 27, 2016, he was all ours. Talk about nerves. Would I know what to do? Would I know how to meet all his needs and make
him feel as loved as he deserved?
Besides filling the house with some toys, yummy foods and other comforts
of home, we also decided to change his name.
It was going to be a new start all around, so Charlie became
Chance. We were his second chance, and
we were both taking a chance on each other.
On his first night, we were fully prepared for crying,
restlessness and sleep deprivation for all of us. Despite what I always swore would be strict
bedtime rules, we let Chance sleep with us.
That moment when he climbed into our bed came so naturally, and I wasn’t
about to separate him from us on his first night in a strange home. It must have been the right thing to do,
because he fell into a beautiful sleep and didn’t make a sound all night.
Mark was able to take some time off work to be with Chance,
but I went back to my job right away.
When we both had to return to work, it was very difficult. We worried all day about how he was doing,
and couldn’t wait to be with him again. As for me, I would worry about him even when I was home. One night at bedtime, after he was with us
for only about a month, I was watching him sleep and for a moment I swore he
wasn’t breathing. I watched him for a
few seconds and then starting yelling his name, as well as Mark’s. Chance woke up, startled, and just stared
groggily at me. All I could do was burst into tears,
full of relief. I guess the flashbacks
of worrying about Mike always stick with me.
Most days have been full of great joy. We have loved getting to introduce Chance to
family and friends, though it’s obvious he has trust issues that will need a
lot of work. Hopefully the pain of his
past will lessen over his lifetime and allow him to let people get close to
him. He has so much love to give. Whether we go to the store, the Starbucks
drive-thru, or just walk through the neighborhood, people always comment
on how beautiful he is. I know it’s just
like a mother to think their little one is beautiful, but I can honestly say Chance is gorgeous. He is a typical
two-year-old – funny, curious and hard to keep up with. He prefers junk food over fruits and
vegetables, but we try to steer him away from the bad stuff. He tries to get into everything throughout
the house. Chance mostly sleeps
throughout the night, but occasionally cries when he
needs something. While I sometimes wake
up exhausted, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything.
Chance gets into his share of trouble. We hate to have to raise our voices at him,
but sometimes it’s the only way to get his attention when he isn’t
listening. He has gotten a few
time-outs, but he is also rewarded for his good behavior. He has bonded with me and Mark as his new mommy and daddy, and I can’t believe how much I have fallen in
love with this little guy that I didn’t give birth to myself. In a little over two months, he will turn
three years old. The adventure is just
beginning.
Back to Mother’s Day, I woke up Sunday morning with a
different feeling than I’ve experienced in recent years. This year, I felt a real connection with the
holiday that honors mothers, and Mark made sure I knew how much I was
loved. I didn’t have the same dread or
pain in the pit of my stomach. Some
sadness still lingered, as all the longing and disappointment of the past can’t be erased, but there
was a definite difference this year. The day
started with Chance's face in mine, along with some cuddles in bed. When I
made my way to the kitchen, I found a beautiful “mom” card with gifts that
included jewelry and a gorgeous pink azalea.
I cannot wait to find the perfect spot in our yard to place
the plant that celebrates my first Mother’s Day. Hopefully, Chance won’t eat it.
Oh, did I forget to mention that Chance is a German
Shepherd?
Happy Mother’s Day to moms of all creatures, great and
small.
