Mind Games and Mockery

Today Mike went for an acupuncture appointment, which he really needed since he pulled some back/shoulder muscles on July 4 weekend. The acu/massage also helps treat the leukemia. All was going well until he got up from being face down on the table, and noticed some blood coming from his nose. It wasn't pouring out, but the sight of it shocked and scared him. He already knew that his platelets were dropping last week (probably disease-related), and by starting chemo they would probably drop some more, but it was still a jolt. All day he's been haunted by this. He called one of his nurses and she said that he should be fine as long as the blood wasn't gushing, or he didn't have any other symptoms. Plus, he has a checkup tomorrow anyway. But, thus goes the mind games of cancer.
Add to that the fact that one of our friends just found out she was pregnant -- a surprise pregnancy for her. We are happy for her, as she and her husband have gone through infertility, and had resigned themselves to the notion that their son (conceived through IUI) would be an only child. Still, not the news we really want to hear while we're going through hell.
Another friend (also an infertility grad with a son and daughter conceived through IVF with donor eggs) recently found out she was pregnant with a surprise baby. Last week, just before Mike called to tell me that his platelets were dropping, she texted me with the message, "It's a girl!"
I'm sorry if I'm just not jumping for joy. I know I shouldn't be envious, but our crap just piles higher and higher while everyone else gets their blessings.
If anyone knows the magic words to getting their prayers answered, please let me know.

P.S. I have set up an e-mail address specifically for this blog, so anyone who wants to e-mail me privately can do so. That address is: makingofamommy@yahoo.com

New Regimen

Mike and I took communion at home a few hours ago. We tried to thank God, praise Him and ask Him to take away the sickness. Mike will re-start an out-patient chemo regimen in the morning. I'm not thrilled, but we have little choice. All we can do is see where this goes. I'm exhausted and heading to bed.

To Anna

Anna,
You left some wonderful messages on my last post and I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really needed that encouragement from an unexpected place. It doesn't look like you have a blog so I don't know how to reach you, but I hope you check my blog again so you will see this message.
Standing on what I believe are God's promises has been one of the most difficult and frustrating things in this eight-and-a-half-year cancer journey. We're almost at the point where God will have to be our only way out of this -- and hey, maybe that's the whole point.....
Thanks, again.