Dear God

Dear God,
I haven't spoken to you in almost a week. You know why. You were there when Mike called me last Thursday to say he found a spot on his right shin. Do you remember those spots? The ones that sent us into a tizzy last June? The ones that led us to get another suspicious spot on his back biopsied, which led to a summer full of chemotherapy?
You were there when we drove into the hospital just a few short days ago to have his doctor check out his legs. You heard the doctor and several nurses say they weren't overly concerned and to just "watch and wait" and come in for this Friday's regular checkup. You watched as we breathed a slight sigh of relief, all the while knowing that these spots still looked all too familiar. You saw us go to our "healing class" on Saturday and pour our fearful hearts out to one of our TCM practitioners, who also didn't seem to think the spots were of concern. You heard the healer say he wasn't sensing any "chi" blockages in Mike.
You saw Mike e-mail his dermatologist over the weekend because this was all we could think of hour after hour. You were there when we decided we'd had enough of the mental torture, and went to the dermatologist yesterday morning for a biopsy. And now, I assume, you see us as we agonize in wait for the results.
I assume I have to remind you of all we've been through -- not just in the past five days, but in the past five years. I assume I have to remind you because I don't feel you have your hand in any of this. Where are you, God? We've been faithful. We've prayed, been prayed for, been annointed with oils. We've trusted, we've questioned, we've cried out to you and begged for your help. We've asked for you to lead us to the people/things that will bring about healing, and we've asked outright for a miracle. What more can we do? What do you want from us? Don't you know our frustration? Have you noticed that since this latest incident began I haven't even said a single prayer? What good has it done us so far?
We've had "signs" and we've had friends and others speak prophetically to us about our situation. Where is this new direction in which we're supposed to be led? Where is this new beginning?
Ask and it will be given to you? I’ve asked.
Seek and you will find? I’ve sought, and I thought I’ve found, but I've been wrong.
Knock and the door will be opened to you? If I knock any harder, the door will come down. Where are you, God?
Why do you continue to let us suffer time after time? How long do we have to fight this battle? When will you finally let us live our lives and enjoy this existence? And a baby? We can't even think about starting a family when we're fighting a new scare -- or worse -- every few months.
Are you angry with us? Are you upset that we've sought out alternatives and TCM practitioners? Didn't you bring them into our lives for a reason?
We've asked you for answers, God. We've asked for guidance time and time again, but it falls on deaf ears. I don't see how a loving father would allow His children to keep suffering like this -- physically and mentally.
Forgive me if I don’t feel like talking to you again for a while. Forgive me if I just don’t see the use.
Amen.