"The Hole in Our Family"

The other day, Mike made an entry in the online journal he sporadically keeps. He hadn't yet read my previous post, so it turned out we both wrote about baby themes at around the same time. I was so touched by what he wrote, and wanted to share it here. Below is his post, which he called, "The Hole in Our Family":

My reading of "The Hole in Our Gospel" is going strong. What a powerful book. I really did not think it would hit me like it has done already.
The book focuses on helping children in poverty and dire circumstances. It breaks your heart to think of children having to live in conditions not even fit for lice. It also keeps my mind on the hole in our own family.
Lauren and I have tried to have a child through the IVF process. I have been sterile since my 2003 chemo treatments. We put some stuff in storage and hope that it will work someday.
We put things on hold just a year ago as we prepared for more chemo and another transplant. All went well and I am recovering from that January transplant. Now, the subject of another IVF try is coming up.
There are two things that I know for sure; one is that I would love to be a dad and second, the uncertainty of my future scares me to death. I am trapped between fulfilling a mutual dream for us and possibly leaving an innocent child fatherless.
I don't care about the monetary cost. I don't care about the fact that I'm 38 years old. I only care about letting Lauren know that I want to give her at least one child.
I read an article she wrote when she was younger and that was published in the local paper. She wrote about how much she admires her mother and the daily self-sacrifice she observed watching her. It was an amazing, heart-felt article.
She wrote one statement that haunts me. She wrote that her desire is to grow up and be as good as mother as hers is to their family. I can only feel that I am the obstacle to her dream.
I know she would never blame me or hate me for that kind of thing. She is the most understanding person I have ever been around. It just sucks to think that I can't give her the one thing she really desires.
I see people have kids and then complain about them. I know it is normal to joke around about the new stress and change of life, but it has a sting that I probably cannot describe.
Being an uncle and a godfather is great, but it will never fill the hole we have in our family.