On Sunday, one of my oldest friends (we grew up together) had her first baby, a girl. I’m happy for her. I’m thrilled. Really, I am. [Insert forced smile here.]
No, seriously, I am glad for her and her husband. They’ve fought the infertility battle, too. She never told me anything about it for the longest time, until she finally opened up a couple years ago and we started comparing notes. As it turned out, our first IVF cycles were at the same time, everything within a few days of each other. Of course, both our cycles ended in disappointment. While I did an FET last spring, she eventually moved on to donor eggs and got pregnant. Her success story uplifts me, and I know how much this means to her, but when I saw that first picture of her holding her daughter, I felt so left out.
She and I have always been athletic, both pretty good at the sports we played. She was a year behind me in school, and when she finally entered high school, she planned on trying out for the volleyball team. Since I played junior varsity, and planned on trying out for varsity that year, I helped her practice and learn the techniques used by the coaching staff. As it turned out, she lit up the tryouts, made the varsity team and I didn’t make it. At that age and at the point in my life, it was a huge blow. She went on to be a superstar player, make friends with all the varsity girls I thought I’d be friends with, and had the life I was supposed to have (from an athletics perspective anyway). I was left behind. When we started to support each other in our IVF lives, I felt I was again taking her under my wing and working towards the same dream together. Now, she’s having the life I want and I’m still sitting on the bench.
Last Friday, I also became an aunt again (the sister-in-law with the then nameless son-to-be). I’m happy to be an aunt, and I love my nieces and nephews, but I’m tired of sitting and watching from the bench. Several other friends will also be having babies over the next several months, and to them I’ll be “Aunt Lauren” too. How long do I have to warm up in the bullpen before I’m called into the game?
3 comments:
(((Lauren))) I'm right there with you on the bench. Maybe we can point at them and laugh?
Seriously, that sucks. I hope you get off the bench soon and join the playing field.
Me too - I'm tired of sitting on the bench, and sometimes having to dance in the cheerleading squad. I hope you can get called in to play soon. All of us need to get off that bench like NOW!!
Hugs to you!
(Funny side note - the word verification word here is "raceprou" - in lines with your post, sort of "race pro")
I'm right there with ya hon - both of my sisters have had their babies this year, one friend just had her baby, and I have 2 other friends that are pg. It's only APRIL!!! Grrrr!
BIG HUGS!
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