The Making of a Mommy: Left Behind

Monday, September 8, 2008

Left Behind

I just found out that one of the friends I grew up with is 11 weeks pregnant. She and her husband having been trying for the past few years, and her second IVF attempt finally worked. She’s got premature ovarian failure, and had been considering using donor eggs. I learned this via e-mail, as she called me and left me a message last week but I hadn’t yet returned her call.
I’m very happy for her, as I know how crushed she’s been about having this trouble, and seeing all her friends and family have babies. But, in my selfish moments (one of them being right now), it was nice to have a friend who was going through something similar to me. We did our first IVF cycles at the same time, and we’ve been supportive of each other throughout our trials. Now, she’s moved on and I’m no further ahead than I was 17 months ago. In fact, I feel further behind than ever before.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: I understand how you feel. Its nice to have someone know what you are going through and be going through it with you - once they get pregnant they no longer feel what you feel and all you feel is that you are stopped and the rest of the world is moving on with your life. You want to move on too but you can't. I get it. Unfortunatley I do.; September 10, 2008 at 4:17 PM

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Where We've Been....

July 2001 -- Mike and I start dating (a long-distance relationship with 4.5 hours between us -- lots of weekend driving).
February 2003 -- Mike is diagnosed with lymphoma. He banks his sperm twice before beginning chemo, radiation, and having a bone-marrow transplant (he has 13 vials). He spends over a year recovering and rebuilding his strength and immune system.
December 2003 -- Mike proposes and we get engaged!
November 2004 -- We get married, and shortly thereafter I move the 4.5 hours to be with him -- no more long-distance romance!
September 2006 -- Mike is diagnosed with a recurrence of his cancer and begins several months of radiation treatment. Three weeks after getting the cancer news, we are blessed with a phone call from a relative saying we can begin our search for an IVF clinic -- the attempt will be taken care of, free of charge.
December 2006 -- we have our first consultation with our RE, and she recommends IVF over IUI, due to our limited sperm supply.
April/May 2007 -- We plunge into our first IVF attempt, but it does not work. We are left with five frozen embies, in addition to 12 vials of sperm.
June 2007 -- I am just weeks away from starting estrace to prepare for a frozen embryo transfer when we find out Mike has another recurrence of cancer.
July 2007 -- Mike begins chemo, which continues until September.
November 2007 -- Mike returns to work!
March 2008 -- We're ready to try the FET! I begin estrace and monitoring.
April 2008 -- We transfer two embies, but again it does not work.
Summer 2008 - Fall 2011 -- We took a break until we could get health insurance that covers IVF, but more importantly until Mike tried to beat yet more cancer recurrences.
October 14, 2011 -- My world is shattered when Mike succumbs to cancer.
Present -- Trying to learn how to live without my best friend and lover. Trying to figure out what kind of future I can possibly have. Trying to decide if I will/can ever fulfill my dream of having a child.