The Making of a Mommy: You're Still the One

Friday, November 18, 2011

You're Still the One

Last Sunday, November 13, was our seventh wedding anniversary. I spent the day with Mike's large family, having dinner at my sister-in-law's place. We tearfully watched our wedding video, and smoked cigars in Mike's honor.
Each day now seems to be getting worse instead of better. I don't know how to live life without my perfect partner. I feel as though part of me has been amputated.
I now wear Mike's wedding band on a silver chain around my neck. You're still the one, baby.

4 comments:

Lisa said...: I was thinking about you today. I hope you are doing as well as can be expected. I'm so glad we live in a time where we have all kinds of technology to help us remember the loved ones who have gone on before us. It is a blessing.; November 19, 2011 at 2:38 PM
Courtney said...: Thinking of you. I really can't find any words to say. Big hugs; November 22, 2011 at 10:59 AM
I Believe in Miracles said...: Continuing to pray. Praying for you especially as the holidays are coming too. I know it's going to be hard. BIG HUG!; November 22, 2011 at 11:41 AM
Jenn said...: I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing very well lately but glad to hear you spent such a special day with Mike's family.
Often times it does seem to get worse before it gets better. I hope things start looking up again for you soon. I didn't know Mike but I'm sure he wants you to find comfort and peace in knowing he's not sick anymore or in any pain.
Take care,
Jenn; December 8, 2011 at 3:07 PM

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Where We've Been....

July 2001 -- Mike and I start dating (a long-distance relationship with 4.5 hours between us -- lots of weekend driving).
February 2003 -- Mike is diagnosed with lymphoma. He banks his sperm twice before beginning chemo, radiation, and having a bone-marrow transplant (he has 13 vials). He spends over a year recovering and rebuilding his strength and immune system.
December 2003 -- Mike proposes and we get engaged!
November 2004 -- We get married, and shortly thereafter I move the 4.5 hours to be with him -- no more long-distance romance!
September 2006 -- Mike is diagnosed with a recurrence of his cancer and begins several months of radiation treatment. Three weeks after getting the cancer news, we are blessed with a phone call from a relative saying we can begin our search for an IVF clinic -- the attempt will be taken care of, free of charge.
December 2006 -- we have our first consultation with our RE, and she recommends IVF over IUI, due to our limited sperm supply.
April/May 2007 -- We plunge into our first IVF attempt, but it does not work. We are left with five frozen embies, in addition to 12 vials of sperm.
June 2007 -- I am just weeks away from starting estrace to prepare for a frozen embryo transfer when we find out Mike has another recurrence of cancer.
July 2007 -- Mike begins chemo, which continues until September.
November 2007 -- Mike returns to work!
March 2008 -- We're ready to try the FET! I begin estrace and monitoring.
April 2008 -- We transfer two embies, but again it does not work.
Summer 2008 - Fall 2011 -- We took a break until we could get health insurance that covers IVF, but more importantly until Mike tried to beat yet more cancer recurrences.
October 14, 2011 -- My world is shattered when Mike succumbs to cancer.
Present -- Trying to learn how to live without my best friend and lover. Trying to figure out what kind of future I can possibly have. Trying to decide if I will/can ever fulfill my dream of having a child.