The Making of a Mommy: Just One of Those Days…. Already

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Just One of Those Days…. Already

I just feel like writing a quick rant. Ever feel that way? I’m just in a bad mood. Around bedtime last night I decided to let my mind re-visit the fact that we have no real plan in place, and that things feel like they’re never going to progress. So I fell asleep feeling frustrated, and I feel more of the same this morning. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here at work (plenty busy but hardly caring) with the gloom of rain outside my window, and AF (aka, "The Red Menace") in full swing. Someone also just asked one of my co-workers how his little girl is doing. Get me out of here.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: BOOOOOO!!!!! Sorry about your lousy morning....hopefully the rest of your day went better!! I've got my stupid aunt visiting too. Stupid stupid aunt!; October 7, 2009 at 8:35 PM

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Where We've Been....

July 2001 -- Mike and I start dating (a long-distance relationship with 4.5 hours between us -- lots of weekend driving).
February 2003 -- Mike is diagnosed with lymphoma. He banks his sperm twice before beginning chemo, radiation, and having a bone-marrow transplant (he has 13 vials). He spends over a year recovering and rebuilding his strength and immune system.
December 2003 -- Mike proposes and we get engaged!
November 2004 -- We get married, and shortly thereafter I move the 4.5 hours to be with him -- no more long-distance romance!
September 2006 -- Mike is diagnosed with a recurrence of his cancer and begins several months of radiation treatment. Three weeks after getting the cancer news, we are blessed with a phone call from a relative saying we can begin our search for an IVF clinic -- the attempt will be taken care of, free of charge.
December 2006 -- we have our first consultation with our RE, and she recommends IVF over IUI, due to our limited sperm supply.
April/May 2007 -- We plunge into our first IVF attempt, but it does not work. We are left with five frozen embies, in addition to 12 vials of sperm.
June 2007 -- I am just weeks away from starting estrace to prepare for a frozen embryo transfer when we find out Mike has another recurrence of cancer.
July 2007 -- Mike begins chemo, which continues until September.
November 2007 -- Mike returns to work!
March 2008 -- We're ready to try the FET! I begin estrace and monitoring.
April 2008 -- We transfer two embies, but again it does not work.
Summer 2008 - Fall 2011 -- We took a break until we could get health insurance that covers IVF, but more importantly until Mike tried to beat yet more cancer recurrences.
October 14, 2011 -- My world is shattered when Mike succumbs to cancer.
Present -- Trying to learn how to live without my best friend and lover. Trying to figure out what kind of future I can possibly have. Trying to decide if I will/can ever fulfill my dream of having a child.